League

Harleston
Spectators: 5000 (Terracing: 4000, Seating: 1000, VIP seats: 0) Dark clouds were building up when the players entered the field. None of the them looked very eager to play. Glyn Hurst started the match with the kick off. The Crystal Phallus fans' excitement grew in the 3rd match minute when Crystal Phallus's Martyn Kemp looked to have a clear shot with the ball near the goal. The shot wasn't hard, but the ball still rolled over the goal line to make it 0-1 before the goalkeeper had a chance to intervene. In the 6th minute the ball was on its way in behind Harleston United's goalkeeper Shane Tipton, but with the help of a sacrificing defense, he could catch the ball at the crossbar. After some careless play in the Harleston United defense, Ian Coe kicked a shot that curved into the net to the right of Shane Tipton. The Harleston United fans voiced their displeasure as they felt that Shane Tipton should have stopped the shot. 16 minutes into the match, Crystal Phallus's Ian Coe sent off a blazing shot straight on target, a shot that Shane Tipton narrowly saved just below the crossbar. If Harry Atkinson had kept his shot down it would have been a goal in the 18th minute. The ball went over the crossbar instead. In the 20th minute Ian Coe shot on, it seemed, an open goal, but Shane Tipton saw the ball coming and threw himself on it before it passed the goal line. After 21st play minutes Ian Coe shot 0-3, a short shot which went by Shane Tipton and just under the crossbar into goal. Harleston United's attentive Harvey Ingram managed to snatch the ball when Reg Hampton made a throw-in in the 25th minute of the game. 27 minutes into the game, Crystal Phallus's Martyn Kemp nearly tore a hole in the net with a booming shot. Shane Tipton made a valiant effort, but he could not reach the ball in time, 0-4. Alfie Heath recieved an excellent pass in front of the goal in the 30th minute. Unfortunately, he received the ball on his off foot and could only manage a weak shot that went over the goal. An unexpectedly hard shot by Martyn Kemp in the 33rd minute of play forced Harleston United's goalkeeper Shane Tipton to throw himself to the left, to be able to save the ball. Bill Cook sent away a hard shot on goal in the 36th minute, but the ball went just over the crossbar and out. A very good chance. Patrick Scargill hit a great freekick 39 minutes into the match. 40 minutes into the match, Ian Coe had an open shot that he just couldn't miss and scored to the right of Shane Tipton. Harleston United's manager could be seen yelling to the referee that Ian Coe was offside, but the referee ignored the protest. 0-5. 43 minutes into the game, Crystal Phallus's Ian Coe nearly tore a hole in the net with a booming shot. Shane Tipton made a valiant effort, but he could not reach the ball in time, 0-6. Disappointed in the 0-7 score, the home team went to the dressing room to adjust tactics for the second half.

Both teams looked relatively alert before the second half when the referee blew his whistle to tell Ian Coe to make the kick off. Ian Coe received a nice pass, split the defenders, and ran untouched towards the goal. Shane Tipton came out and tried to block the shot, but Ian Coe slotted it home off the left post making it 0-8 in the 55th minute. Harleston United's Shane Tipton played magnificently when he managed to stop the ball from hitting the goal, after a sharp shot by Ian Coe in the 58th minute of play. With an all-out effort, Crystal Phallus's Shane Tipton threw himself towards the right post 63 minutes into the match and grabbed hold of the ball from Ian Coe, which otherwise would have been placed in the net. Timothy Morrell was astounded when the referee showed him the red card after a seemingly innocent challenge, 65 minutes into the match. In the 64th minute, one of Harleston United:s players had the ball in front of the goal but got pushed and fell. The referee felt it was an obvious case and blew a penalty for Harleston United. Shane Tipton didn't succeed in stopping the ball in the 75th minute, which inside left pole to 0-10. Shane Tipton showed his good apprehension of the play when he made a fantastic save on a shot from Ian Coe, who was totally free with the ball in the 80th minute. After some fancy dribbling in the 89th minute, Reg Hampton managed to get in a good position for a shot. Crystal Phallus's supporters rose to their feet, but Reg Hampton was a bit off balance and shot the ball just wide of the left post. Shane Tipton breathed a sigh of relief and went to take the goal kick. When Patrick Scargill fell near the penalty area in the 90th minute he thought he would be awarded a free kick. The referee ignored Harleston United's protests and gave Patrick Scargill a yellow card for diving instead. After 91 played minutes Harleston United got a freekick which was hit by Patrick Scargill. When Alfie Heath came up free with the goalie in the 96th minute, the Crystal Phallus fans jumped to their feet. But the shot missed the goal by a fraction of an inch, and the fans sat back down disappointed that Alfie Heath couldn't finish the play. When the final whistle sounded Crystal Phallus left the ground with the victory after a much better performance than Harleston United.